Mari Paz
Vicente, my mum, is one of the most important people in my live.
She was
born in Barcelona on 14th of June of 1968 and She has a little sister. She has
studied business studies at the UB. No sooner had she finished the studies than
she got a contract in an external audit firm. Currently she works as an
internal auditor in a big editorial group.
She is so
influential for me. She gives me all her affection and guides me on the right
path. She always gives me good advises and supports me unconditionally. I know
that she is always there for whatever I need.
Nowadays I
am the way I am, thanks in large part to her and my father and I am very
grateful.
Hi Álvaro, I've read your biography and despite the fact that I've enjoyed it, I'd like to comment on some mistakes or things that I would change so that your writting skills improve.
ResponderEliminarFirtsly, I'm afraid I have to highlight "one of the most important people in my live", people refers to more than one person, so instead of "people", you should have used "person". Moreover, you repeat words or structures too many times, such as "study"(you should have paraphrased, or looked for a synonym as "degree". Furthermore, you use WAY too much points, you ought to use linkers, for real, it can get too annoying the fact that the text is always stopping. Additionally, you make some other isolated mistakes, such as "She always gives me good advises", "advises" is wrong, it's "advice".
On the other hand, don't be disappointed, you are capable of greater things, however, as everybody (me included), you have learn from your mistakes, and try to avoid them.
Finally, I hope I have not offended you, I might have been to tough.
Pol